What is dating? And why should you date many people before you embark on a committed relationship and marriage? Here are 3 reasons why.
In India, dating is a much maligned term, due to very valid reasons. There are countless ‘dating’ sites, which have tons of fake profiles and obscenity. Further, the term ‘dating’ has come to acquire a connotation of flippant or frivolous romantic interactions, thus stripping it of its respectability.
But in essence, a date is simply ‘a social engagement or appointment with someone, at a specific time and place’. It usually has a romantic nature, but it’s perfectly fine to use the term to refer to a movie outing with your mother!
We often come across a HatkeShaadi member who is hesitant to go ahead and interact with an introduction we make. Consider this – it’s a handpicked introduction by our expert counsellor, based on behavioral and value similarities; one simply has to start interacting and getting to know the person. Simple, isn’t it? But why this reluctance then? Is it due to ‘perceived’ lack of conversation skills or some other concern? Or is there an underlying concern that is unaddressed?
That is a topic to be explored in a later post. For now, let us explore why you should ‘date’ many singles before settling into a committed relationship and then taking the next step to matrimony.
1. Know thyself
Every person you meet with has a unique personality, tastes, interests and a completely different upbringing. At a superficial level, you are simply meeting and talking to another singleton looking for love. But at a subconscious level, it’s a delicate dance of the two personalities involved. Some thoughts (not comprehensive) you might want to ask yourself as you meet singles.
- Do you like it that the lady smiles easily at the subtle joke you made?
- Does the fact that the gentleman had his beginnings in a humble background make him relatable or alien to your sensibilities?
- Is it really important to you that the lady be open to trying out new cuisines, or is it not so important?
- Would you prefer the gentleman who says he loves stability or the one who is ambitious in his professional sphere?
Self-awareness on what really makes you tick in a relationship is often the best starting point.
2. Learn what you expect from a relationship
A committed relationship can be fun, satisfying and enhance the quality of your life. But it definitely requires a conscious investment of time and emotional bandwidth from both the individuals involved. It helps if you know what you expect from a relationship before you get there. A few pointers (not comprehensive) on what you might want to think about.
- Does it make you happy if the lady depends on you for a few of her needs, or would you prefer a lady who is highly independent and does not bother you for the little things?
- Did you enjoy talking to the gentleman who was more open about his emotions, or did you feel more comfortable with the gentleman who was stable, but displayed little emotion?
3. Experience emotional involvement
When you date and put yourself out there, you are in essence, opening yourself to trust and share a little of your life with another person. This is a great way to learn how it feels to actually share how your day went, or a bit about your childhood, or some experience that really moved you.
In this age of hyper connectivity and the ‘always-on’ mobile devices, real life conversations and the art of discovering another person is a disappearing facet of life. There’s a certain joy in knowing another person, quite simply, because you want to know about that person.
Having said that, here’s the caveat. One cannot be deeply emotionally involved with every single person that they date. Think of the dates as a pleasurable experience where you get to meet a person who is unique and brings her own thoughts and dreams and life plans. It’s great to know what lies beneath; it’s great to build a new connection; it’s great to simply talk and laugh.
It might get you an unexpected friend, or a mentor, or who knows, your soul mate! Happy dating!