Think the title sounds ironic? Actually, it seems obvious once you read this post about how 3 simple steps focused on yourself can actually help you find lasting love!
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
– Gautama Buddha
Our HatkeShaadi members share their most intimate thoughts with us and ask us questions that are important to them. Of course, given that it is a community to find your potential life partner, the most obvious questions are – How do I find ‘the one’ for me? Why did my previous relationships fail? What am I doing wrong that I am not able to find someone compatible for the past few months?
The need for connection with others in general, and someone special in particular, is innate in humans. When we are not with someone, our minds obviously play it up, and go “You’re lonely!” We have to understand that it is quite natural to feel this way, but how we react to this feeling is going to define our next relationship and maybe even the course of our life.
Here are 3 simple things to do to use this ‘me’ time effectively, to be perfectly ready when that special someone walks into your life!
1. Accept yourself
When was the last time you stopped to reflect on the way your life is going, and tell yourself – “Hey, my life is alright. I have a decent job, loving parents and I am capable of running my own life well…”
Or when was the last time you stood in front of the mirror after your shower and thought – “My body is good the way it is; I just need to focus on remaining healthy…”
A few days ago? Weeks? Or months? Don’t be surprised. Seeing oneself is one thing. Noticing and accepting oneself, warts and all, is quite another thing. In a global population of 7.12 billion people, you are the only one who has had the exact set of life experiences, that has molded you into the person you are today. Accept it – you are special!
2. Forgive yourself
Time is that giant chariot that carries us inexorably forward, whether we want to or not. We move on in time from failed relationships, heartbreak and lost opportunities, but we fail to move on in person. We feel responsible for the hurt caused to a loved one; we own the reason for a loved one walking away from our lives; we wring our hands in frustration at a wrong choice that was made years ago; we spend sleepless nights wondering if things would be different ‘if I had said this instead of that’.
We so easily forgive others for their mistakes, but find it so hard to forgive ourselves, for mistakes both real and imagined. Guilt is a burden that can tire the strongest of shoulders and the bravest of minds. Let it go.
Forgive yourself, but never forget the lessons learnt. If it is a real mistake, learn from it and vow to never repeat it again. If it is a perceived mistake, there is nothing else to do but be cognizant of it. The past is etched in stone, to remain there forever. Why waste your life, trying to redo it?
3. Indulge in a passion
What makes you feel alive? What would you make time for, even on the busiest of days? Is it going to the gym? Painting? Writing? Reading a book? Going on a bicycle ride? Working with a friend on a tech project?
Go ahead, join a class or take an online tutorial or simply make an hour for this passion. Do it for the sole reason that it makes you happy, not because you might bump into someone in such a class, not because it’s the cool thing to do.
The air of self-reliance, confidence and self-acceptance that you exude from having found and accepted yourself is bound to bring the right people into your life. It has a way of being contagious in its positivity. Lasting, happy relationships result when two individuals who are connected to their inner selves seek a partner, expecting them to open up even better life experiences that can be shared together – happy marriages are made of this.
So go on, rediscover yourself! And most important of all, love yourself!