Some day, you will grow up to be a nice young man with boundless possibilities in front of you for a rich and fulfilling life. Some day, you will grow up and look for love, for that someone with whom you feel unbridled joy, for whose happiness you would be willing to do things you had not thought possible. Some day, you will be ready for commitment and marriage. Some day, I know you will find such a person in the whole wide world.
As your old man, I’d like to share what I think will make this journey that much more lovely.
A woman is to be respected at all times. Period. It does not matter if you have had a couple of beers. It does not matter if she has passed out drunk in front of you and you are alone with her. It does not matter if she is wearing the skimpiest of clothes. It does not matter if she has a ‘perceived’ reputation of being ‘easy’. It does not matter what others say about her. Nothing matters.
She is a human and that in itself should be enough for to you respect her and treat her with dignity.
Long long ago, there was this good king and his loyal friend. Due to a peculiar turn of events, this friend would have to marry a hunchbacked, ugly witch in order to save his king. The friend marries this witch in a show of loyalty and on the very first night together, the witch asks him – “I can be a beautiful maiden during the day time in front of your friends and an ugly witch at night in private. Or, I can be this horrible witch in front of the world and a beautiful, loving wife in private. Which do you prefer?” Her husband thought deeply and told the witch “Which of the two options do YOU want? Do what makes you happy”. And then the witch says “This is what it takes to lift the curse that caused me to be a witch” and transforms into a beautiful, loving lady for all time, and they lived happily ever after.
True choice is when you tell someone to do anything that they wish, with no repercussion from you. Empower your love to grow into a strong, independent woman. She will love you all the more for it.
Times will change, how you treat a lady might evolve, the boundaries of what is considered courteous might stretch. But one thing that will remain constant for all time is this – Say your ‘please’ and your ‘thank you’s, hold a door open, give her the right of way, stand up when she leaves the table, be polite and always use proper language.
Behave like this with all women, not just your love. Behave like this because it is the right thing to do. Behave like this because this is who you are. Not because you are wooing her. This will hold you in good stead.
Always be true to what you are at your core. It’s a powerful attraction to be someone that your lady wants. It is an easy choice to pretend to like or dislike certain things to woo her. It is an easy path to move from your center and stray towards something that will make your life a lot better in the short term. But anything built on a facade is not meant to last. It crumbles at the slightest brush with life.
She is the one person with whom you can be the real you. If not with this one person, where else will you be yourself?
It is very rare that a couple does not fight. And when there are fights, it is very easy to be cruel, to be mean and to hurt them. Not because you dislike them, but in that moment, it seems to make sense. But the fact of the matter is, there is never really a justification to be cruel. Not during an argument, not when you feel wronged, never.
Be kind, because you don’t know the other person’s journey. You don’t know why they behaved hurtfully. Be kind, and watch as the problem gets resolved on its own. Be kind, because that is the only way to be.
Every father prays that their little one’s heart is never broken. Every father dreads seeing their child’s heart broken when a relationship ends. Let me break the suspense, if you ever are in such a situation – it is going to hurt. Like hell. You might want to cut yourself off from the world and retreat into your shell. You might feel like there is no motivation to carry on. But of course it hurts, because you have poured your all into it. Trust me on this one – it does get better. One day at a time. But remember one thing – what you have shared with her is a sweet memory that stays with you. Treat it with dignity, keep her intimate secrets safe, let her move on and be happy, and to lead a peaceful life.
You have the strength to carry on, and you have it in you to be a better person because of what you have learnt.
Love is the greatest of all joys. One of the few things in life that have to be experienced with an open heart and an uninhibited mind. It has the power to make you soar and transform you into a better person. You are different, you are unique, you are you – one and only one of your kind on this earth. Be patient and share it with someone just as different, just as unique as you, whose weirdness feels perfect with yours.
Above all, I’m here for everything you need, and everything you don’t know you need.
Guest Author: A father from Bangalore in his 30s writes a letter to his young son, Kabir, about love and relationships.